Why Can't Life Have Ratings?
by JKWhite
Summary: James walks in on something he didn't expect. RS, RSJ, LJ.


**Summary:** James walks in on something he didn't expect.

**Warnings:** Yes. Enter at your own discretion. You may be scarred for life.

**Pairings:** James/Lily, Remus/Sirius, Remus/Sirius/James.

**Rating:** MA

**A/N:** I don't even know. But I hope it's enjoyable.

* * *

**Why Can't Life Have Ratings?**

Lily is actually talking to me. I can't believe it. I am having a nice, normal conversation with Lily Evans. Not an argument. Not me asking her out, not her chewing my head off. We are civilized.

Certainly this is the most perfect moment of my life so far. And I don't think I'll—was that a scream? Did I just hear a scream coming from the tower? Lily's looking alarmed too; it wasn't just my imagination.

"I'll be right back."

Last I checked, Remus and Sirius were up there. Are they being eaten alive? Should I open the door? What if I'm killed?

Another scream. I'm in.

"_Holy fucking Christ!"_

Okay, why can't life have ratings? Like those muggle movies Remus is always trying to get us to watch over the hols? They've got ratings.

Why can't there be a sign on this door that says "Warning: Contents of this room not suitable for children under 17 years. Enter at your own discretion. You may be scarred for life."

Not that I'm under 17. But still, it would be nice to have a little preparation.

But is there a warning like that? NO!

Which is the only reason in hell I could have ended up coming face to face with Sirius shagging Remus into a bed. Or rather, face to arse. Arses. Bare arses. My _friends' _bare arses. My friends _connected _at the arses.

I think I'm gonna die right here. I am scarred now. Seriously scarred.

Why am I still watching this? I've been rooted to this spot for hours! Well, maybe only a minute. Still!

Sirius... my best mate, Sirius. He has his dick up Remus's arse. He's pumping in and out, his hair wild and damp with sweat. The muscles on his back... they're so strained. Remus too. They're glistening.

How long has this been going on?

Remus... Remus is on his knees and elbows. Head buried in the pillows. His... oh my god. Waggling with... every... thrust... _Jesus. _Purple. Swollen, so dark...

_So hot. _

What? What's wrong with me? Why am I aroused by this? These are my best mates! I should be repulsed! I _am _repulsed! I am not aroused at all.

Why can't I turn away? Why can't I go back to the common room?

I was having a nice time with... Leah—_Lily. _Lily, it's Lily.

Remus is screaming again. And Sirius too.

And... oh god, they're... They're...

Is that _my _bed they're on?

Oh _fuck, _that's disgusting. He's... God, it's _everywhere! _I'm never gonna be clean again!

I... oh shit. I've never been this hard in my life. Why am I so fucking hard? I'm never gonna be clean again!

No, that's a bad thing!

They're lying still. They're bound to notice me soon. I should leave.

_I should leave!_

Why am I not gone? _Why am I still here? _

More importantly, _how did I get over here? _I was by the door! How did I get all the way across the room?

They're not even doing anything anymore. They're just laying there. Sweating in a puddle of their own... stuff. Quivering.

Remus on his stomach... legs spread wide. Sirius between them, on top of him. Head nestled into neck.

Damp hair sticking to his face, to Remus.

They're breathing hard. Shoulders are heaving up and down. _Fuck. _

Ohh, shit. How... how did my hand get... down there? Merlin that feels good. No! _How did my hand get down there? _They're gonna snap out of it, and they're gonna see me here; jerking off to the sight of them, and our friendship will be ruined forever.

I'm never gonna be able to look them in the eye again anyway.

It's a lost cause anyway.

Sirius's hair looks so sexy and smooth. Oh, it _is _smooth.

And now he's looking up at me. I cannot read that expression. Shit.

Remus is looking at me too now.

Is that my hand still in Sirius's hair? Bloody hell, I think I'd better take that back.

I probably should have pulled my other hand out of my pants before I went getting his attention too.

Oh fuck, they're going to kill me. They're going to kill me. They're going to fucking kill me. They're going to—

"Ohh!"

Feels so good. Long fingers moving down my leg. Pants falling to the floor. Boxers... _oh god. _

"Christ!"

Sirius's hands on my legs. Remus's on my... _fuck! _My... bloody hell.

I feel a mouth. There's a mouth on my toes. Sirius. His tongue... feels so good... he... _oh! _

Why the hell does that feel so bloody amazing? It's my feet for Christ sake.

Not just my feet. Remus... leaning closer.

Hey, I'm lying down. When did that happen?

"Fuck, Remus."

The heat... the heat of his mouth... it's unbearable. Un-fucking-bearable.

Now Sirius is moving from my feet. Sliding up my body. Oh god, is he kissing Remus? He _is. _He's kissing Remus around my... holy shit.

This is the most amazing moment of my life. I don't think I'll ever, for the rest of my life... _oh! _Sirius. On my chest. Kissing. Warm hands. Long, lean fingers.

Remus still pumping away. Head bobbing. That look of concentration in his eyes.

Where'd my shirt go? Did I even have that to begin with? Sirius...

Was that a moan? Who moaned? Was it me?

Fuck, did I moan? God, that's embarrassing.

Sirius is grinning at me. His face is so close to mine. Getting closer.

Warm tongue in my mouth... warm tongue on my dick... Can't... can't take much more of this.

Sirius's hair is so silky. So smooth. So... so sexy. Damp. Remus's too. Brown hair flaps against his head with every bob. In his eyes. Over me.

Firm muscles on Sirius's back... smooth skin... heat. Unbelievable heat. Hands... tongues... Hair... backs... _teeth?_ Remus, are those...are those your teeth?

Is that a scream? I'm shaking. I've lost all control. Life is pouring out of me... into Remus's mouth.

Dripping down the sides. Sirius has pulled back. Looking into my eyes. I feel a shudder.

Warmth gone.

Fuck. Now they're kissing each other. Fluids leaking out between them. _My _fluids. My _friends._

Hey, is that door open? How long has that been open? Did I forget to close it? I bet I did... I was really out of it.

Someone should close that before people start coming in for a free peep show.

Oh, great. Thanks Lily.

Wait, _Lily? _

"Lily?"

"You weren't coming back and... and I heard another scream... and..." she's saying. She's coming towards the bed now. There's a wild look in her eye. God, it's so beautiful. I could take her right here, on top of Sirius and Remus.

Hey look, they're shagging again. No wonder Lily's looking so aroused.

She's in my arms. Feels so right. And now she's kissing me, and nothing's ever felt more perfect.

Lily in my arms... Friends shagging across my lap. I could never get tired of this.


End file.
